Wednesday, June 4, 2014


I didn't write yesterday as I knew it would be about my upcoming scope/possible surgery tomorrow and I was trying to distract myself from the thought of it.  That is the only thing i have left in my bag of tricks. Distraction = less anxiety. And I was doing well until today, because, well you know it is tomorrow. So I am scared. Scared hell, I am petrified. Ugh I hate this sooo much. I really do.

The anxiety is broiling up inside the pit of my stomach and is creeping into my my chest. My heart races and my eyes water. I feel like I am on the verge of having a complete panic attack. That awful feeling of dread and impending doom. I am so sick of these stupid surgeries and scopes and all of this crap. Ugh!!!!! Just, Ughhhhhhhhh!

I am so scared and I get this way every time. I don't want to go. I don't want to have it done. I don't wanna!!! But I have to find out what is wrong. Sigh...God help me.

So obviously I won't be writing a post tomorrow. Sigh. I am sorry guys this post isn't very upbeat or inspirational. I promise to write better ones soon. I just can't stop obsessing about this issue right now.

Please pray for me if you are the praying sort and for those of you who are not, I could use all of your positive vibes/thoughts. Thanks and see you hopefully on Friday explaining how everything went.

Neurotic Nelly