Friday, June 7, 2013


Nature is strong, beautiful, delicate, and complicated. It can be calm and soothing like the gentle patter of rain drops on the earth. Quenching the parched grounds and giving life to the yellowed grass. It can calm your soul and create a feeling of peace. Then she can come back around and knock you on your butt. Huge storms, strong winds, lightening crashing to the trees and rooftops. She is definitely a force of change.

Change is scary. It is hard. The unknown can be very uncomfortable. The stress of doing something different, living somewhere different. The thought that the future is uncertain. It doesn't mean that what has yet to come is bad. It is just different. And what do we do with that knowledge? Do we run and hide or do we go out to face it with the sun shining in our face? Do we face the storms of rolling uncertainty or do we jump ship and abandon all notions of waiting to find out?

There are stories for each and every one of us. Dreams and hopes, pain and strength. Every one of us has overcome adversity or struggles. Each one of us has had good times and bad times. We all have beliefs and opinions. We are all books that have yet to be finished. We write our own lives on our own pages.
When we encounter change we decide how it plays out. How we deal or don't deal with it. We are all so different and yet so very alike.

I have often wondered what life is like  for the normal person. What is their struggle? What do they do when they go home at the end of a very long hard day? Do they sit in their favorite chair and put their feet up? Do they watch t.v. or snuggle down with a good book?

I am guilty of believing that my issues are harder than theirs. I am guilty of thinking that their lives are somehow easier than mine. On reflection, I realize I have no right to believe that. Everyone has their own hurdles. Their own vices. I am not any better or any worse. My life is not harder just different issues to deal with. And as I come to understand this I realize that I have done a disservice to both them and myself. I get so wrapped up in my own suffering that I have failed to see that they may be suffering as well.  I have failed to see that everyone has something that has caused them pain. Everyone has a story and their story is equally important.

I want to educate the public. I want to reach out to the masses and show them that mental illness is not scary or dangerous. In that I have to realize that I also have to show them that we all share the same pain. A normal person isn't having a better life. They are having a different one. I am not having more pain than a normal person, my pain just is more evident because I can not hide it the way a normal person does.
Maybe if I can reach out to them I can get them to see that we are not so different. That we feel the same pain when we experience loss or anger. That we feel the same despair when something is totally going wrong. The only difference is that we are not able to turn off the emotional faucet. It just continues to run until it overflows everything in our lives.

We may hear voices, we may have anxiety, we may have depression, we may be manic or hyper. All of these things do not only belong to us. They are human emotions and therefore we as humans all suffer from them. We are not so different, we are just honest about it. If you took the time to really search yourself you might find that you have had these experiences too. You might find that you are a little less scared of us. That you are a little more understanding of what our daily lives are alike. You might find new words to write on your pages. Instead of crazy write illness. Instead of fear write acceptance. Instead of discrimination write love. Instead of weakness write strength. Write beautiful. Write same. Because we are all different but yet very much the same.

Neurotic Nelly

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