I am full of wonky sayings, bad puns, and crazy quotes. It is just how I roll. I often hear of people that say, I took a shower but I had to push myself. I ate a piece of toast but it was a struggle to do so. I tried to get in the car and drive myself to the store but I only managed to go halfway and turn around. They feel defeated. They are disappointed in themselves. It hurts me to hear this or read this or even think like this.
I too have been there. I too know what that is like.
It doesn't matter how you get there, it only matters that you have arrived. Now this seems silly but it is the truth. It doesn't matter what you had to do or tell yourself to take a shower, the main point is that you took one. The point is that you mustered up enough energy and resolve to do so. The result is more important than the process. Instead of being frustrated that it took so much work it should be commended that you were able to conquer all of the crap you were going through and do it. That is no easy feat for people suffering from mental illness.
It doesn't matter how much you hate toast and how much you weren't really hungry, you still ate the toast. You still got up toasted that bread, put it in your mouth and chewed. It's an accomplishment to do so.
You got in your car and drove. It shouldn't matter how far you went or where you ended up driving to. What should matter is that you actually got in your car, turned the key, and drove.
I think it is easy for us to judge our accomplishments too harshly. We tend to put them next to others accomplishments and they seem lacking. Normal people take showers without a second thought, normal people make toast and eat it, normal people are able to drive one handed cross country in a mini van full of loud kids and wet dogs while eating tacos and listening to music. We compare our achievements and I truly believe that is our downfall.
It's like the old adage comparing apples to oranges only in this case it is more like comparing basketballs to oranges. They are both round and orange and that is about the extent of their similarities. We look normal and we do normal people things. However, our emotions are all over the place. Our perceptions are faulty. Our minds are tortured.
You wouldn't judge what a basketball can do to with what an orange can do would you? Of course not. Why are we trying to compare ourselves with people that do not have our issues? A basketball is a great ball but it tastes like crap. An orange tastes great but makes a terrible ball. They are different and therefore don't need to be compared.
We forget to realize that for some of us a shower, a meal, a drive is an accomplishment for us. That instead of putting ourselves down for being able to only get this one thing done or how long this one thing took to do, we should be proud that we have managed to go that far today. That yes, today was a struggle to take a shower but you did it. The hope that if you can take a shower today maybe you can take another one tomorrow and so on. Maybe you might even be able to change your clothes along with it. Yes today, you didn't want to cook. You weren't up to it but you did make toast. Maybe tomorrow you might even be able to put butter on that toast. The next day you might even be able to scramble an egg with the buttered toast. Yes, you didn't drive all the way to your destination. You did however get in the car in the first place. It may not be as far along as you want to be but you have conquered the first part. You have tried. You can always try again and again. The point isn't how you get there it is that eventually you will arrive. You will get there one step at a time. Don't look at what you were not able to accomplish, look at all that you were able to do. No, it's not climbing the Grand Canyon but to us, it might as well be. To some of us the Grand Canyon is less daunting than our everyday issues.
It doesn't matter how you get there, it only matters that you have arrived.....and you will arrive. It may take a little longer. It may be slower than you thought it would be. You will be stronger for it. You will take baby steps. You will make it and you will arrive.