Neurotic.....

Well, my beautiful Christmas tree is dead. Like a dried out pokey husk of what it used to be. I finally got to where it made me happy OCD wise, looking at such a beautiful lighted menagerie only to have die on me. The day may have been hard or tiring and I would walk into the dining room and gaze upon it's glittery shining appearance and feel peace and calm. Now I just feel empty. Sure, it is still glittery and shiny but now it is less green and more crusty. Even the wonderful evergreen scent has faded away. It's depressing me.

I am fighting the urge to throw a full grown fit like a three year old complete with alligator tears and throwing myself to the floor......sigh. It just kind of summons up the last few weeks. Blerg.

I was so depressed I forgot what day it was yesterday and didn't write. Now, I feel kinda guilty about that too. Sorry guys.

Some good things this week are my Grandma is supposed to get out of the hospital next Tuesday, finally. She has given us a few scares with her health there, so I can't wait for her to go back home. And, tomorrow is my youngest's birthday so I made homemade chocolate chip cookies for his school for today. I was so stoked that I didn't burn them on the bottom (as I have now discovered the amazing properties of parchment paper). I spent an extra twenty minutes making sure they were all similar sizes. You can't have wonky sized cookies and give them to kids. Then one kid would feel bad and I can't have that. We even gave the bus driver one. I am just secretly praying none of my hair got in the batter. I had it severely plastered back before I cooked just to be sure. I think I need a hair net though. Like for anytime I cook....or go in the kitchen...or maybe just to wear constantly. I think I am shedding or going bald or molting.

The flu is going around and my wonderfully informative news has declared that the flu vaccine doesn't really work for this particular strain. So, there is that terrific bit of news. You're welcome. And supposedly there is also a 14 day stomach virus going around the school. The school bus driver is now wearing a face mask. She said the kids on the bus have been dropping like flies. I am not worried though.....okay that is a complete lie. I am a little concerned. Oh, who am I fooling, I am petrified.

How weird is it when it is 25 degrees outside and you think to yourself, "Huh, It's not that cold out here"?
As someone born and raised in Texas, I am pretty sure this shouldn't be a phrase I should ever be using. Apparently, living up north for the last thirteen years has changed me. I still refuse to completely acclimate to "yankee" (as my southern relatives would call it) traditions.  Like eating geotta- yucky- or putting spaghetti noodles in my chili.....what in the hell?  I still don't get some of the sayings and traditions. Like, "forgot crapped his pants" if you say you forgot something...I mean what does that even mean? But I guess that is par for the course. I mean, many of these people have never seen cotton fields, wheat fields, and bean fields. They find my accent to be strange and "funny sounding". Sometimes they do not understand my sayings and euphemisms. I don't know anyone from here that has seen a "Mexican jumping bean". Most people that I have met, don't like black eyed peas, or pea salad, or all of the bean laden meals I grew up with. Not a huge number of people have a strong hankering for fried catfish which kinda makes me sad. Even the Mexican food seems kind of off to me here. Of course, it is Mexican food in Ohio, so I guess that makes sense. Everything is pork here which after thirteen years, I still shudder at the thought of pork ribs. Can I not get some decent beef ribs for the love of God!!!???!!! The snow is pretty but I have learned to hate it. It's so cold and it gets ugly and dirty looking after the cars and snow plows run over it. It's slippery and I live in a constant state of fear that I am going to fall. I fell on a bunch of acorns on the side walk on a perfectly clear Fall day, once. True story. So you can see how thrilled I would be to walk on slippery surfaces that appear to be clear but are actually black ice. I think I should by soccer cleats to get to the bus stop safely. That being said, I like it okay here.

I used to dream of becoming a piano bar singer. Is that weird? I wanted to dress up in beautiful dresses and sing Billie Holiday songs in a club. I visualized soft lighting and grand accompaniment. Smoke filled rooms and the gentle clinking of glasses while I belted out my rendition of Gloomy Sunday......Now, I dream of owning a Christmas tree farm where you grow trees and let the families pick them out and cut them down to take home and make them even more beautiful. I would always have that gorgeous smell of evergreen. I would make a Christmas shop in my barn and sell handmade ornaments and decorate trees in different decorations to show how they would look. We could even have a Santa come and take pictures with the kids. It would be wonderful to have that Christmas feeling for a longer period of time and be able to help share it with others. Lights and hot apple cider and red and green mittens and garland made of popcorn...  And in the Fall we could grow pumpkins and make corn mazes and have hay rides. And I would drive out to the mailbox on a unpaved driveway in my 1950's old beat up Ford pick up truck that is  two toned powder blue and white with scratches on it. I would only go to the mailbox though because I don't see well enough to actually drive. I know this is a lot of work and frankly, I know nothing about farming and this is all a pipe dream but it is my pipe dream dammit. So I can pretend, right? Since it is a pipe dream I could be both a Christmas tree farmer and a piano bar singer. I could sing like Billie in a fancy dress that just happens to smell like one of those little green Christmas tree car air freshners but "fresher". That could work, right?

Geeze, what did I write? This post is so all over the place. I guess it is just one of those days where I don't have anything really important to say so I say whatever pops into my head....lol. Makes me sound kind of neurotic....

Anyway enough of this babbling, I will post again on Tuesday. Hope you all have an amazing weekend.

Neurotic Nelly