Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The Doctors......Warning Possible Triggers....

No one really likes to go to the doctors office but for me it is like the seventh level of Hell. I don't actually know where that saying comes from, but if Hell has levels than the doctor's office has to be somewhere in there right?

It isn't just that I have contamination fears and will be around sick people (which is bad enough) but I have had some bad life lessons from the doctor's office. I don't remember hating them before the tooth pick debacle of 86  unless I had to get shots, which all children despise even thought they are a necessary evil.

When I was about seven years old I had to go to the doctors because of my foot. My Dad had this annoying habit of chewing tooth picks and breaking them and throwing them on the ground. I had the bad habit of walking everywhere barefoot (still do). I stepped on something and felt it go into my foot but saw nothing when I looked at it. I continued to play. I told no one and no one was the wiser until a few days later when I was no longer able to put weight on it. Then came the red streaks which meant I had an infection and there was definitely something in there. So, we went to the doctor and sure enough they had to numb it as best as they could and remove whatever I had stepped on. Mind you, past a certain point numbing medicine doesn't work and this was one of those points. I remember flailing and screaming and finally they were able to cut and pull out a half of a toothpick out of my heel. I remember all of it, the pulling, the grabbing it, the cutting.....not a real great memory to remember.

Then I had this wonderful doctor that used to whistle bird calls when he looked into your ear. He was kind and funny and kinda looked like Colonel Sanders. We moved away after having him as my doctor for about a  year. He was one of the only doctors that made me not hate going to the doctors office. He made me feel comfortable and less scared. I found out that a few years later he had contracted A.I.D.S. and most of his patients left making him have to shut down his practice. He was later found stabbed to death in his own bathtub. Very sad. He was a really great kid's doctor and the whole story makes me really upset. He deserved better than that.

Then there was the asshole fraud psychiatrist that scared my family into committing me so he could abuse the system and suck up all of the insurance money when I was ten. I hope he lost his ability to commit children when he was sued for fraud. Actually, I hope he rots in Hell but that isn't a very nice thing to say so I have to say I hope he is rotting in jail somewhere instead. But I highly doubt us, his many victims, could get so lucky.....Bastard.

Not to mention, the doctor who gave me my first stitches but didn't realize, I at the time, had a huge fear of needles. He thought he would just say out loud it needed a couple of stitches and go on like it wasn't a big deal for me. That went swimmingly....not. Just ask my mother, she probably still has bald patches where I snatched her hair out. I was around twelve years old.

Or the perv psychiatrist I had when I was twenty one, who made sexual comments to me when I was in need of actual counseling even going so far as to make me lift up my tank top when I was braless once to "check my heart rate". Something he never had done before the whole time I had been seeing him ....He too should be in prison but I was too embarrassed to say anything. Not to mention I figured I had no proof of his actions. He made sure we were alone. I was really ashamed and uncomfortable.....he was also a Bastard.

Or the E.R. doctor that felt the need to shove his finger into my open wound after I had accidentally impaled my shin on a stick when I was twenty six. No he did not numb it first. No he did not warn me first. He just stuck his finger in it up to his knuckle and moved it around.....That was pleasant. I secretly think he may have been a sadist.

So, yeah doctors are not my favorite past time for obvious reasons.  And I have a new appointment with my new doctor tomorrow and I am absolutely freaked out about it. I know it will go fine, probably. I am worried about my test score for my diabetes. I am worried he will be an asshole. I am worried he will be inept or mean or just plain rude. I really hate when that happens. Anyway, I have waited six months to see him and my anxiety is literally through the roof.  Ugh, I don't want to go but I have to. Ugh and double ugh. Anyway, I am just really hoping above all else, I can get my anxiety under control and make it to this appointment without a panic attack because I have to take good care of myself and that , unfortunately, means going to my biggest triggering place, the doctors office.

Wish me luck,
Neurotic Nelly


  1. You can do it Nelly! I just had my 4 front teeth pulled.....and Dentists are my biggest trigger!! Think of something happy!! LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES!

  2. Thanks KraZyDI! I will try and think of cute kittens and good coffee! Congrats on getting through the dentist....they are pretty scary too.

  3. Doctors are just people. Regardless of the fact that they are smart with biology and science etc. they have problems, addictions, gambling debts, affairs, fears, egos, kids, sometimes erectile dysfunction and occasionally diarrhea.

    I mention the above to defuse any sort of intimidation or fear on your part. They work for you....not the other way around. Don't be afraid of them, don't be intimidated. Tell them what you are comfortable with, what you are not. Express to them your past and the "baggage" that comes with it....but don't attribute that baggage to a new doctor that has done nothing wrong to you. The majority are good and want to help....let them help. Ask questions, demand answers, alternatives, tests, results....get that attitude you display here sometimes and if one of them is doing something unethical.....stand up for yourself. Pretend its one of your kids......you would not tolerate anything less than professional for your child right? Don't tolerate it for yourself.
    Seventh Level: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_(Dante)

  4. Ok seriously I have tried to comment on this twice and it keep erasing....ugh. Thank you TR you made me laugh and you are right. If I don't like something I have a right to stand up for myself. :)

  5. So True! I feel that way about doctors, and have had those kinds of experiences! But I keep going because Diabetes doesn't play nice. Good luck! You can do it!

  6. Thank you so much Michele. Diabetes really sucks lol but I did go to the doctors and it wasn't too bad thankful. Thanks for your support, it is nice to know I am not alone in this. I really appreciate it.