Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Letter To A Husband.....

So a few weeks ago I was feeling down and under appreciated which comes with being married and a stay at home mother.  I actually think in any relationship we can get bogged down with feelings of being overlooked under the amount of work we do whether it be laundry, cooking meals, or being an office worker. As a mother I sometimes forget to feed both sides of myself, both the mother but also the woman.
As adults we get so wrapped up in our daily lives that we forget to say what we need from our partners or that we need anything at all. And we all need to be reminded that we are loved and cherished. I wrote this to just get out my feelings and then after my husband read it, he said I should publish it. And yes he does find me beautiful and he is my best friend but like everyone else sometimes life gets in the way and we forget to actually say these things to each other.  He felt that the way I was feeling might be how other wives feel and maybe it would be helpful for their husbands to see that side of them. The side we often overlook and don't explain because we feel we are too busy to talk about it. So, I guess this is a letter from the perspective of the busy mother to the busy father to emphasize that no matter how busy life gets, you should always take time to say what you feel and feel what you mean because partners need to be honest with each other but they also should be the greatest supporters of each other.

Dear Husband,

I love you with all of my heart and I am thankful for the things you do for me. Understand that I do know that you do them for me. You go to the store for me. You buy my pads. You buy my favorite kind of cereal or my favorite pop. You make sure the bills are paid after we discuss when to pay them. You work a very hard job and you don't get paid enough for the crap you  put up with there. I know your body hurts, and you are tired, and you are hungry. I know all of this and I try my best to support you and make you comfortable when you are home. I try my best, which I understand may not be always enough to make it better.

Everyday while you are at work I am up to my eyeballs in laundry, filth, dishes, and cat litter. I wash and clean. I kiss boo boo's for the kids and settle disputes. I do homework and windows. I don't get much sleep. I am up late at night to stave off nightmares and answers the universe's questions right before bedtime. I read stories and sing bedtime songs. I often times forget to brush my teeth as I prepare lunches for school and fill out field trip slips early in the morning. I make doctor's appointments and coffee. I am literally both physically and emotionally exhausted but I still make time for you as much as possible. Maybe it isn't always enough time, but I try. I am so much for other people. I am mom to our kids, and wife to you, and daughter to my parents,  but I am more than that. Used to be, I was a woman. I was a person. I forget sometimes, what it  was like to be just a woman, just a person. I try my best and at a lot of things I fail. Like that one time I burned the bacon so badly it was literally black strips of char. Or the time I cut up our oldest's homework into a Christmas snowflake because it got stuck in with the throw away paper we were using to make crafts with. I can't drive because of my eyesight. I am unable to hold down a "real job" because of my anxiety. I am flawed and I am imperfect and I own up to every single thing that makes me that way. And I hear all of the things that I don't excel at, but rarely do I hear the things I do well and it makes me feel like I am unable to accomplish anything of worth. Like I am terrible at everything and that makes me feel bad. I need to hear that I am worth something to you.

The truth is while I am covered in cleaning products and cat hair and whatever drink our youngest has spilled on me I am still just a woman underneath all of that. I still need the same things all women need. I need to feel respected and understood. I need to feel loved. I need to feel beautiful. I know that we got swept up in life and kids and work but I honestly can't remember the last time you told me I was beautiful. No, I don't need to hear it everyday but when I am at my worst on the most busiest or hardest of days, hearing that you still thought I was beautiful even underneath all of the things I achieve at or even better, the things I fail at would certainly make all of this easier. I have forgotten what feeling beautiful feels like from your eyes and I miss that. I need to know that we have not become just habits to each other. That I have not slipped into just the role of maid, butler, laundress, and mother. I need to know that I matter to you. Not just because I do things for you but because you love me. Flaws and all. Greatness and all. Completely.

I need you to be compassionate when I am hurting like I am with you. Otherwise, I am left feeling alone and that hurts a great deal when you give everything to everyone else and have nothing left for yourself. Understand, I am not asking you to coddle me or put me on a pedestal. I am simply asking to be held, or to be caressed, or even to just be said I am sorry to. It goes a long way to hear from my partner that you heard me and that you feel for me. That my pain means something to someone else besides myself. Because many times I feel like it only matters to myself and that feels lonely. I don't want to feel lonely in a room full of people that I love. I want to feel like I am important. I know that I am, mind you, but I need to know that you feel that way too. Sometimes we caught up in our daily lives and we lose sight of each other's needs. I don't want to lose sight of yours and I don't want you to lose sight of mine. Before we were parents we were friends. We loved to love each other and I feel like we have forgotten that part of us. I don't want to just go through the motions I want to actively be in this relationship and I need to know that you are there for me. That I matter to you and yes, that after twelve years of diapers and formula and pets, and bills that you still find me just as beautiful as you did the first time we met. I need to know that you still see me, the real me underneath all of the layers of our daily lives.  Because right now I am not sure that you do anymore and it breaks my heart.

I love you. I am loyal to you and I want to be closer to you. I want you to know that you matter me. You are not just the father of my children and my husband but you are the man I love with all of heart. You are beautiful to me. You are worth more than you know. You are my partner, my friend, my love and I am blessed to have you in my life.

Love, your frazzled exhausted but always loving, wife.

Neurotic Nelly

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