Randomness of Fears....

I have never been accused of being fancy. I am not a high maintenance kinda gal. I have never paid for a pedicure (my feet are way too ticklish for that). I have rarely gone to an actual salon to get my hair done. I do not get my nails done. I just find getting gussied up by others.....uncomfortable. Or rather awkward and uncomfortable.

It's not that I am shy around people or an introvert. I just find other people...strangers, especially, touching me to be anxiety provoking. And here is where my problems lay.

For Christmas, my handsome, thoughtful, and wonderful husband of twelve years and my little, sweet, cherub like children, all of whom are the apple of my eyes, got me a certificate to get a full body massage. I was so touched by this gesture I had to do everything to hold back the tears. (Yes, I almost blubbered...so what.) I am excited, and thrilled, and yet really apprehensive.

And here's why. I have OCD and that means I can be easily triggered. I am easily distracted by contamination fears and although I want so desperately to feel relieved from all of the stress that can be massaged away, I am also a little scared too. I don't know what body massages entail and so my mind runs away in an OCD laden diatribe....

Like, do I have to be undressed. Surely, if they are going to use lotion or oil, they aren't going to use it on top of my t-shirt. That means that I will eventually have to be undressed in some form. I am not a prude, nor am I overtly self conscious but then again, this lady is a stranger and I don't like to be nakey in front of strangers...call me funny like that. Anxiety starts to build.

And if I have to be naked then I assume that means there will be some sort of a robe to wear. Again the anxiety ramps up a little. How clean is this robe? What is the protocol for washing this robe? Do they have more than one? Will this be a new robe? What about the massage chair? How often is that cleaned? What kind of chemicals do they use to clean the chair with? Are they harmful? Will she wear gloves? Do I wear socks? How clean is the floor? What about the oil/lotion bottles? Are they cleaned after each use? Is there some kind of cleaning regulations held up federally or by the state?  Anxiety ramps even higher. I mean, these are the things that stick in my brain. The worries, the fears, and yes the anxiety.

It seems silly to me that I am afraid of some lady who I will be paying to massage all of my stress away. Surely, she isn't an axe murderer or an ebola crusted massage therapist. It's just OCD being it's peevish and annoying, paranoid self. It is just something I am going to have to push through. Because I deserve a massage and I am going to get one, darn it! I am just going to have to not freak out while putting on the robe that is suspect. I will just have to push through as I lie on the possibly chemical laden massage chair. I will just have to deal with the thought of having some strange person touching me....because it's her job and I deserve a little pampering. I am sure once I get over the initial shock of all of it, I will feel more relaxed and even possibly enjoy myself.

I can do this. It's only a massage for God's sake. It's not like I am walking through a laboratory where they test deadly viruses or a toxic waste dump. It's just a massage chair and some oil. I think I am gonna be okay......

Neurotic Nelly