Friday, May 17, 2013

Too Much Information

As a sufferer of OCD I have problems pertaining to too much information. Really, I do. I don't mean information on stock prices or general information. I mean like stuff that I would have been just fine living my life without knowing.

He who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow and knowledge is pain are good quotes.

The sorrow is that because of my mental illness I can't process things like normal people. What is a conversation that they can erase from their minds is a jail cell for me. There are some things I rather not know.

Hold on to your hats girls cause here we go, welcome to the insanity that is my life.

Lettuce. I had a conversation with my father about lettuce. Apparently there is some disease that is passed by mice through their poop as they poop on your lettuce in the fields and barns. The problem is that the people that wash the lettuce before they send it to restaurants or fast food joints may not wash it properly. The disease can affect humans. Now, I am pretty sure that I could have done without that little tid bit. I have not had lettuce on my food when I go out to eat for over a year. What he sees as a simple conversation has made a jail cell for me. I only eat lettuce when I buy it from the store and I wash it myself. Sadly, I don't even know if I am washing it correctly either but I at least know it was washed fairly well.

Surgery. My last surgery went well but I had coffee with creamer a few hours before. My anesthesiologist was less than pleased. Apparently I was not supposed to drink anything and they had left that part out of the instructions. She was very mad because they now had to put me out in a more difficult way. Seriously she had daggers for eyes she was so mad. Then she felt the need to tell me that anything on the stomach could make me vomit and breathe it in with the breathing tube. I could aspirate and die.......Thanks I feel much better about the surgery now. I realize that I had made a mistake. I realize that she was angry. I also realize that surgery has risks. I do not think I needed to know that particular one in that great of detail. Mostly, because I have anxiety issues and I was already very nervous about the procedure. To top that I have another one coming up in two weeks. Now, I have more anxiety and fears than I previously had. Lovely.

Flying. I am terrified of planes. I have been in them. I hate them. I don't feel I really need an excuse as to why but I will go ahead and tell you. The are big, metal, heavy, flying cars. Do you know how often cars have issues and break down? Exactly. One faulty rusted screw and there are huge problems when you are thousands of feet in the air. My friend always tells me I am more likely to be struck by lightening twice than be in an airplane accident. I am not sure of the variables in that statement. More likely to be struck by lightening twice while I am sitting on my couch watching reruns of M.A.S.H. or more likely to be struck twice standing in my yard during a thunderstorm wearing a full suit of armor and flying a kite with keys taped to it? I really would like an answer to this, because you can't be spouting of statistics if there hasn't been any good research done. I need to know the ratio of lightening strikes and what variables are used to make an informed desicion.
She also has said I am more likely to have a car accident than be in a plane crash and she is right, because I am not getting on that plane. It's not that I believe that they are totally unsafe. My biggest problem is that the person that drives my car is someone I know. I know what he ate for breakfast (he doesn't like breakfast), what movies he likes (Tombstone), his favorite color (purple), his pet peeves, how much sleep he got the night before, his education, what his first car was, what color his socks are (because I washed them). I trust him. He knows that if he goes over sixty miles an hour that I get the shifting eyeballs and start tapping the imaginary breaks. I have some nerve since I do not drive. All I know about the pilot is that he is licensed and that he looks spiffy in his pilot hat. Again, most of this wouldn't matter to me if I had not watched a show about plane crashes and screws that break off.

So I guess what I am not so discreetly trying to imply is, there are things a person should know and things that a person doesn't really need to hear. At least this person. Hearing things like that is hard for me to digest because most of it is forgotten with normal people. For me it becomes a very real fear and something to avoid. If I am not careful I could end up avoiding so much that I miss out on everything. Avoiding things causes pain and isolation. It's not your fault that I avoid because of my mental illness and it is not my fault that I cant handle certain information without anxiety either. It just is too much information that I don't need. So if you know about things like rat poop diseases, plane screws, and surgery aspirations, or anything else scary  please for the love of all things holy; keep it to yourself or wait till I walk out of the room. Thanks, I appreciate it.
                                                  Neurotic Nelly


  1. It's always nice to realize that I'm not alone. When some concern gets stuck in my head... ugh... It's like the ipod has one song and it's set on repeat.

  2. It is exactly like that and then I have to avoid things that freak me out and make me way uncomfortable. Ugh, so annoying. Lol.