Embrace

Everyone judges themselves. People with mental illness just cant seem to stop judging themselves so harshly. We can't seem to truly forgive ourselves for not being perfect. We tend to say such horrid things about ourselves. We use such damaging words. Stupid, crazy, selfish, unlovable, unacceptable, unworthy, ugly. We are none of these things. These words are not true and yet we all have called ourselves these things at one time or another. I have no idea why we do this. Why do we hold ourselves to such high standards but seem fine with not holding "normal" people to the same standards? Because we think we should be able to do things that we can not and then we blame ourselves? We punish ourselves. Destined to stand in the corner ashamed. Why?
No one is perfect. There is no shame in asking for help. There is nothing that we should blame ourselves for. You don't blame a person with a disease for their illness. Why do we blame ourselves for ours? Why are we so harsh and judgmental on ourselves? Everyone deserves acceptance and understanding. Everyone makes mistakes. We grow and we learn from them. We are not bad people. We just tend to think we are. Why?
Stigma is very real and we buy into it's propaganda. We allow other's to say the things deep down we believe. It took me years to realize I am not bad, ugly, or crazy. I am me. I am a woman living with mental illness. It is my albatross. It is my disease. I am not ashamed of it. Why should I be? I can't help that I have it. I have made poor decisions in the past. I dare you to find someone who has not been reckless or done something stupid. We are human. We are not Barbie dolls or glass figurines. We are not perfect. I refuse to judge myself harshly. What is the point? I can not change who I am. I will still have a mental illness in the morning. There is no magic potion or pill that will take it away. I am not going to waste my life being angry at myself. I have accepted who I am and all that goes with it. Am I selfish? Sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to share my candy or I want to be alone. Am I stupid? No, but I have made poor choices that seem stupid. Am I crazy? I am mentally ill not insane. I am not crazy, I am altered. Am I unlovable? No one is unlovable. As Marilyn  Monroe said, If you can not handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Am I unacceptable? Only if I can not accept myself. I accept myself so, no I am not unacceptable. Am I unworthy? Of course not. Everyone is worthy. I may not be able to do some things. I may make mistakes but I get right back up and try again. I am worthy in this world, and so are you. Am I ugly? Beauty is a fickle thing. I am not a size zero. I am not a model or actress. I am a bright, funny, loving, loyal person. I am an honest, respectful, kind person. I am beautiful because I believe that beauty is more than straight teeth and perfect hair. It is more than high fashion and starving yourself. I believe that my personality shines through and makes me beautiful. I am not a doll, I am a woman. I am not perfect but am I beautiful? Your damn right I am. And if you don't agree, Hey that's your opinion and you know what they say about opinions. Why we harbor these bad thoughts toward ourselves is a mystery. Why we refuse to accept that we can be broken and beautiful at the same time, I will never know. But we can and we are. We are worthy of all life has to offer. We are lovable, strong, and beautiful. We are unique. When you start hearing the lies we tell ourselves, the negative and foul degrading comments, do me a favor. Block them out and start telling yourself the things that make you who you are. Start whispering to yourself the unique things that make you different and magnificent. Don't put yourself down. You are worth so much more than that. We are all unique. We are all amazing. We are all lost souls bumping into the walls trying to get out and find our purpose. Your purpose is just to be the unique, inspiring, one of a kind person that you are. We can change the world if we just learn to end the stigma without falling victim to it. We are not victims, we are fighters. We can find peace and acceptance. We can heal. We just have to learn to accept ourselves first. We are the color in a world full of grey. We are the unique in a world full of boring. Embrace that we are different and accept that it is ok to do so. Embrace that we are the ghosts in the machine. We are the fish in the waters. We are whatever we want ourselves to be. Embrace yourself and look around and see the world like I do. Free of self hatred. Free of negativity. Free of fear that I am not good enough. We are all good enough.
                                                        Neurotic Nelly