What is Ocd?

What is life like with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Glad you asked. There have been several "funny" signs and  amusing memes about OCD that I have run across. Things like Obsessive Coffee Disorder or Obsessive Cat Disorder... Maybe I am overtly sensitive but these signs really irk me.

Ocd is so much more than being a clean freak or organizing the closet. It is hoarding, cleaning, being a germ-a-phobe, phobias, fears, guilt. It is crying in the corner and rocking back in forth. Convincing yourself that you have a deadly disorder then googling the symptoms. Then after googling the symptoms you convince yourself you have three other disorders as well. It is worry, desperation, and disgust. It is unwanted intrusive thoughts that are violent, sexual, or blasphemous in nature. It is washing your hands till they bleed or touching the door knob until it "feels" right. It is feeling worthless and ridiculous. It is trichotilliomania and body dysmorphic disorder. It is anxiety and panic attacks. It is being afraid of contamination. It is Tourette's syndrome. It is avoiding situations that make you feel out of control or uncomfortable. So much so that you can loose years of your life avoiding things that could make you happy or avoiding loved ones. It is being afraid to admit that you are in a constant battle with your mind. It is fear of judgment and rejection. It is bulimia and anorexia. It is your mind telling you that you like something that you don't or you did something you know you have not. It is counting steps and cracks in the pavement. It is being obsessed with a number or everything has to be even. It is Checking to see if you locked your door for the sixth time and knowing that you will have to check just one more time, even though you can clearly see that the latch is locked. It is time consuming exhaustion. It is having the need to confess. Confess everything that you have done or said because maybe,just maybe you might have done or said something wrong and you need to be absolved. It is feeling like you are a bad person. It is anger and frustration. It is being terrified to speak out because you are terrified that you are crazy and no one will understand.  It is self judgement and self rejection. It is pain and hell and everything in between. It is not a joke or about how much you like coffee or cats. It is not a term to be thrown around because you like to have your desk tidy. It is a real mental illness and it sucks.  No one wants to admit that we have these issues. No one wants to say that they have intrusive thoughts. It is scary and we try so hard to appear normal. I have them and so do many others. We don't like to talk about our OCD because unlike some other illness we are perfectly aware that what we do is abnormal. We know it looks or sounds crazy.  No one likes to feel out of control or nuts. We know that it is a problem. 

I have been told that I am brave. I don't know how true that is. Truth is, I am terrified.  I am terrified every time I write something because I am knowingly opening myself up for rejection and negative judgment. I do this because  know there are others out there like me. If just one of  my posts are able to make them feel less lost or alone then it is worth it. I can take it. It is not as if I have not heard all of the negative comments before. In fact I have said them to myself many times before I got healthier.  There are many faucets to OCD. [tweet this].
These are just some of them. Many of us have several symptoms and not just one or the other. So this is what is like to have OCD. This is what it is like to live with it. Does that seem funny or amusing to you?

                                                     Neurotic Nelly